How to forgive someone?

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When someone does something wrong to you, you will most likely feel uncomfortable. Even after the momentary feeling of anger has passed, you can continue to remember the betrayal instead of letting it fade from your memory. But this reaction can hurt you the most, and learning to forgive is the right thing to do.

1. What is forgiveness?

Really, knowing how to forgive someone is not easy. Simply put, you can understand that learning to forgive someone means
Forgetting what happened Acknowledging the pain others have caused you is no big deal Automatically reconnecting previous system. Forgiveness is simply choosing to let go of anger and hurt. You should accept that what happened is in the past, realize that everyone makes mistakes, and start cultivating your own compassion.

2. Why learn to forgive?

Many people see forgiveness as a way to release stress and sadness. Forgiving someone can certainly make you feel better, but forgiveness offers more benefits than that.
2.1 Forgiveness helps you heal, Holding onto resentment can make you bitter and unable to find peace. When you cannot forgive, the emotional wound will not be able to close and heal.
Forgiveness does not mean agreeing with what others have done to you. Learning to forgive is when you are deciding to let go of the burden associated with negative, stuck, and unresolved emotions. Forgiveness allows you to let go of the pain and move on with a lighter heart. In other words, forgiveness allows you to get rid of resentments before they really affect all aspects of your life.
2.2 Forgiveness Improves Relationships Staying angry at someone who hurt you doesn't just affect your relationship with that person. But grudges and feelings of anger can eventually affect your other relationships as well. You can:
Have a more aggressive attitude towards loved ones Difficulty trusting others again Having trouble building new relationships Learning to forgive instead of getting angry can help increase goodwill prayer within you, helping to connect with everyone, not just the person you want to forgive.

2.3 Forgiveness is good for your health When you learn to forgive, you can help your own health. According to many studies, forgiveness helps reduce stress. This can have positive effects on your health, including:
Lowers blood pressure Reduces anxiety Sleeps better Improves self-esteem Can forgiveness also allow you to let go of anger under control, this can contribute to:
Stress Muscle stress Cardiovascular problems Decreased immune function Overall, forgiveness has an overall positive effect on mental health and empathy for others. others. It can also lead to more fulfilling relationships – including the one you have with yourself.
2.4 Forgiveness can help you reconcile First, it's important to understand that you can learn to forgive someone even if you know you can never have the same relationship as before. . Depending on the circumstances, you may even need to avoid contact with them. That said, everyone makes mistakes.
When a loved one hurts you, forgiving them can open the door to relationship repair. In many cases, the act of forgiveness helps the other person realize how much they have hurt you.
Learning to forgive may not heal your relationship right away, but it's a good start.

3. Are you ready to learn to forgive?

If you don't feel like you can immediately forgive, that's okay. Most people take a certain amount of time. When it comes to forgiveness, forcing forgiveness isn't really going to benefit anyone because you're still repressing pain and anger. You should ask yourself these questions to help you determine if you are ready to forgive.
3.1 Who am I forgiving? Forgiveness is a change from within. This is true for two different reasons:
You establish forgiveness in action. Forgiveness mainly works for you. Others involved in the situation, even loved ones who know the situation, can encourage you to forgive. In the end, you are the final person to make that decision. You don't really forgive when you do it reluctantly or because others say you should. This type of forgiveness doesn't respect your own needs and may not resolve your negative emotions, frustrations, and pain.

3.2 Can I express my opinion? Psychological reactions after experiencing injustice or betrayal are normal and healthy. You can completely express your personal opinion when facing a betrayal situation in life. However, maintaining those feelings can be quite uncomfortable and painful, especially in the beginning.
People who carry pain often hurt themselves. Being aware of this truth can help you cultivate compassion.
You should also consider whether you are still hurting because of the incident or because the memory of the betrayal is sending you into a spiral of pain. If the pain is primarily rooted in the latter, choosing to forgive can help you let go of those unpleasant memories.
3.3 Am I willing to take the necessary actions for forgiveness? Forgiveness takes some work on your part. You can't just say "I forgive you" if you want your forgiveness to be meaningful.
You will never understand why someone did something to you. But forgiveness requires you to look directly at your anger and pain and choose to let it go.
Also, you cannot truly forgive without empathy and compassion. The commitment to forgive is just the beginning, and memories of the hurt may still resurface long after you've made the decision to forgive. Maintaining compassion and patience can help you succeed.

4. What preparation to learn to forgive?

Before you start learning how to forgive, there are a few more steps you should take to make sure you're ready.
4.1 Talk About Your Feelings Before you can forgive someone, you need to make sure you can put into words how you feel about what happened. This requires you to acknowledge those feelings first, even if they are unwanted feelings.
A good way to test if you can fully express your feelings is to talk to someone you trust. They can help you get through your grief and give you more support when you want to heal.
4.2 Look on the bright side When someone hurts you, it can be hard to see any benefit from the situation. Over time, you have more chances to realize what you've accomplished.
Suppose your spouse cheated on you. At first, you admit that the relationship isn't really going well. Of course, their infidelity is not the right thing to do, but it helps to open your eyes to the problems that exist in the relationship and find ways to solve them.
Even if you can't identify benefits, you can simply feel like you're becoming a better person because of compassion and understanding.

4.3 Learn to forgive the little things If you have trouble forgiving a big hurt, practice compassion instead of giving yourself a hard time. This is not as difficult as one might think. Practice compassion and forgiveness for theft instead of anger.
4.4 Forgive Yourself People often find it difficult to forgive when they blame themselves, at least in some way, for what happened. Self-compassion and forgiveness are important tools to have before attempting to forgive others.
Remember, it's their decision to hurt other people and never your fault. If you're having trouble forgiving yourself, especially in cases where you've done nothing wrong, talk to your therapist.

5. How to forgive someone?

You already feel ready to forgive and commit to it. So how do you really forgive someone?
This can seem especially difficult if you really can't reach the person you're forgiving. In fact, you don't have to come into contact with someone to forgive them because forgiveness is primarily for your benefit.
5.1 Write a letter If you want to avoid direct contact with the person you need to forgive, writing a letter can be a safer way to express your feelings.
In the mail you can share what you've been through. Other people's explanations and apologies can be meaningful and helpful, but it's essential that you get a chance to say what you need to say. Letters can be a good way to forgive someone at fault, a prisoner in prison, an abusive ex-husband, or anyone you don't want to have further contact with. You can write a simple letter and keep it until you feel ready to contact without sending.
5.2 Share your feelings with others It's not always possible to reach the person you want to forgive. They may have passed away or moved away.
This can be a major obstacle to the healing process because you believe you can't heal when you can't express forgiveness. But you don't really need to talk to someone in order to forgive them.
Once you've chosen to forgive, you can complete it by sharing your decision with someone else, such as a loved one, a counselor, even a psychologist. If no one is available, you can journal about your decision to forgive.

5.3 Consider programs developed by forgiveness researchers Learning to forgive and practice it can be challenging. But you don't have to go through it alone. It may sound strange, but evidence-based forgiveness programs can provide detailed instructions for you to take the necessary steps.
An expert-developed program called REACH, which includes the following steps:
(Recalling) Recalling and visualizing betrayal (Empathizing) Sympathy (Altruism) Altruism, or treating forgiveness as a the gift you give, as well as the gift you would like to receive for yourself (Committing) Commit to forgive by writing down your decision or telling someone (Holding) Hold on to your choice to forgive In summary, learning to forgive can seem difficult to practice, but it's a skill you need and can totally develop. Sure, it doesn't seem fair. But ultimately, someone else has hurt you, and forgiveness can help you work through these feelings to find peace.

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References: healthline.com, mayoclinic.org