Having a child is a wonderful experience that changes your life. Caring for a newborn can significantly affect your sex life. To enhance their emotional connection, couples often seek new experiences, such as oral sex. However, is oral sex safe after giving birth? This is a concern for many new parents.
1. What is oral sex?
Oral sex is a familiar form of intimacy for many couples. Instead of focusing on traditional erogenous zones like the breasts, skin, and lips, oral sex emphasizes actions that involve the genitals (penis, vagina) of the partner, providing a fresh and pleasurable experience in a unique way for both individuals.
2. Benefits and Risks of Oral Sex
Oral sex can offer surprising psychological and health benefits for couples. Numerous studies have shown that safe and regular oral sex can provide you with wonderful advantages, such as:
- Reducing fatigue and stress: With the unique experiences of oral sex, not only will you find it easier to reach orgasm, but it can also help you relax and relieve stress, especially after giving birth when you may feel overwhelmed and exhausted.
- Improving your immune system: Engaging in sexual activity 1-2 times a week can boost your immune system, as this process helps regenerate blood cells.
- Increasing self-confidence: Some studies suggest that individuals who appear confident often have satisfying and regular sexual relationships.
- Strengthening pelvic floor muscles: This is a great benefit for women. Engaging in various sexual activities can be akin to participating in sports, and doing so regularly can enhance the health of the pelvic area.
- Improving sleep quality: Research indicates that reaching orgasm produces oxytocin, which promotes feelings of sleepiness, helping you sleep better and more deeply afterward.
- Enhancing intimacy: Having a child can lead you to focus all your time and energy on the baby, impacting your sexual and emotional connection as a couple. Oral sex is seen as a way to strengthen the relationship and foster a close connection shared with your partner. This time together can be a completely private moment for just the two of you.
However, oral sex also carries certain risks, such as:
- Oral sex can lead to throat cancer: While oral sex itself does not directly cause cancer, the main risk factor is infection with the HPV virus. This virus can be transmitted from one person to another during sexual activity, including oral sex. HPV is one of the causes of throat cancer. The risk of cancer does not arise if you do not come into contact with the HPV virus during oral sex. Individuals who engage in oral sex with at least six different partners have a higher risk of developing throat cancer. However, compared to causes related to factors like smoking and drinking, doctors state that HPV-related throat cancer is generally easier to treat. One preventive measure against throat cancer from oral sex is getting the HPV vaccine.
- Oral sex carries some risks of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), including syphilis, HIV, herpes, gonorrhea, and hepatitis, which can be transmitted through oral sex. Experts indicate that oral sex is not completely safe. It is a safer form of sexual activity compared to other methods, but there is no guarantee of absolute safety. Additionally, various factors such as age, gender, and specific oral sex practices can contribute to these risks. You can use condoms on the penis or a dental dam made of plastic or latex placed over the vulva or anus to reduce the risk of STDs.
3. Changes in Sexual Relationship After Giving Birth
After giving birth, you can resume sexual activity typically from 4 to 6 weeks. You should wait until the vaginal discharge post-delivery has stopped. Whether you have had a cesarean or a vaginal birth, all women experience this phase for several weeks afterward. Engaging in sexual activity before the discharge has fully cleared increases the risk of infection.
If you received multiple stitches during delivery, it may take longer before you can resume sexual activity. Unhealed stitches carry the risk of coming apart. If that happens, seek medical attention immediately.
After giving birth, your sex life will also be affected.
Specifically:
3.1. Lack of Sleep Reduces Your Sex Drive
For mothers of newborns, fatigue is the biggest obstacle to feeling interested in sexual activity. Particularly, infants often wake up to feed every two to three hours, which can continue for months. About 30% of newborns do not sleep through the night until they are 9 months old. At night, you continue the task of caring for the baby, leaving you exhausted and lacking desire.
Not only you, but your partner may also feel tired. However, men often remain more interested in intimacy. For them, it is typically a way to relax and feel emotionally close to you. They don’t need as much time to get in the mood for sex. In contrast, most women require conversation and foreplay to become aroused.
According to experts, if you are too tired to regain your previous sex life, the first thing you should do is communicate with your partner so he can understand your feelings. Additionally, you might ask your partner to watch the baby so you can rest and regain your mood. Moreover, you could consider having sex in the early morning. It may also help to seek assistance from family, friends, or hire a babysitter to allow you both to have private time together.
3.2 Hormones affecting sexual life after childbirth
Hormones are also a part of the sexual issues after giving birth. Estrogen levels drop following delivery, which can lead to a deficiency in vaginal lubrication, making sexual intercourse painful or less pleasurable. A simple solution is to use a topical lubricant during sex. Experimenting with different positions can allow you to have more control during penetration.
If lack of lubrication makes sex painful, or if intercourse is causing pain for any other reason, explain to your partner that you need time to be ready.
According to experts, lubrication issues often resolve after you stop breastfeeding or when your menstrual cycle returns. Hormonal changes after childbirth can also be linked to postpartum depression, which may hinder sexual desire. Feelings of sadness, anxiety, and irritability can persist for weeks or even months. Talk to your doctor if you are experiencing these feelings, especially if the situation worsens or if you feel hopeless or sad most of the time.
3.3. Breastfeeding Affects Sexual Life
Breastfeeding has many benefits, but it can also create some challenges when you try to maintain your sexual life.
Devoting a significant amount of physical and emotional energy to nursing can hinder a breastfeeding mother's ability to connect with her mind and sexual desire. Your partner may feel neglected and that you are no longer spending much time with them. Affection is just as important as passion. Allow your partner to express these feelings so you can work through them together.
Constant breastfeeding or pumping can make your breasts so sensitive that you may not want them touched. Caressing the breasts of a breastfeeding woman can cause her milk to leak, which can be distracting for both partners. Orgasm can sometimes also lead to unintentional milk release. If you are concerned about leaking or discomfort, try wearing a bra during sexual activity.
3.4. Changes in the Body from the Inside Out
During pregnancy, a mother with a normal weight typically gains about 10 kg. It may take some time to lose that excess weight after the baby is born. With new stretch marks and a scar if you've had a cesarean, it's not uncommon for many women to feel insecure and even depressed about their current bodies.
If you feel self-conscious about your appearance, share this with your partner. Positive feedback from them can help you feel better. Enlist your partner's help in working towards your body change goals. For example, you could exercise for half an hour while they take care of the baby, or ask for extra support in meal preparation. Additionally, you might buy some lingerie that makes you feel attractive while still covering up any body flaws.
Another physical issue is that vaginal delivery can stretch the vaginal walls, which may reduce friction and thus decrease sexual pleasure. It can take some time for those muscles to return to their original state. For some, it may never be the same again.
Try some Kegel exercises to strengthen your pelvic muscles. Repeatedly tightening and relaxing those muscles can also help heal any tearing from vaginal delivery or episiotomy.
With all the changes your body may undergo, try your best to embrace them as part of the motherhood experience. If you still struggle to maintain your sex life, beyond physical issues, it might be time to consider what is happening emotionally in your relationship.
Ask yourself, “What makes me uncomfortable enough to not want to express intimacy with my partner through sex?”
One typical feeling is anger or frustration about having to stay home changing diapers all day while your spouse returns to life and does “normal” things like working outside the home and interacting with others. Other feelings may stem from body consciousness and mental fatigue. Many of these issues can be resolved when you share them with your partner. Relying on your partner's support helps both of you understand that you are in this situation together. Sex is about pleasing each other, and there are many ways to do that.
If you are not interested in traditional sexual intercourse, you and your partner can try other methods, such as oral sex. This can help you feel closer to your partner.
4. Is it advisable to have oral sex after birth?
Oral sex and other forms such as masturbation are considered safe to engage in after a few days postpartum. They can also be a good way to share pleasure with your partner while waiting to resume traditional sexual intercourse. If you have stitches from an episiotomy or vaginal tear, make sure your partner avoids contact with that area to not disrupt the healing process.
You may be concerned that bacteria in your partner's mouth could increase the risk of infection, but there's no need to worry as long as stimulation is entirely external (in other words, focusing on the area around your clitoris). Avoid the vagina and perineum.
And if you're thinking about using a tampon to stop the flow of lochia—postpartum discharge—during oral sex, you should reconsider. You should not insert tampons or anything else into the vagina until your doctor allows it (usually after 6 weeks) to avoid the risk of infection.
Pregnancy and childbirth cause many changes in your body, so it's advisable to allow about 6 weeks for recovery before resuming any form of sexual activity, including vaginal or oral sex.
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Reference source: babycenter.com, webmd.com
