How to recover after a divorce?

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Recovery from divorce is never easy. Anyone who has gone through that phase feels hopeless and lost for the first few months, even years, trying to get their life back on track. But, life goes on as it is, and you can't let a divorce affect all the good things you can still do with your life. Here are some steps that can help you figure out how to recover from a divorce.

Love and get married – that is always the desire of many people, no one when in a relationship wants it to fail but there are marriages that are not smooth sailing and lead to an unexpected ending want, it's divorce. While we all know that there is always the possibility, you are not prepared to face the pain that divorce can cause for you and your family.

1. How long does it take to get over a divorce?

Previous studies have shown that, on average, it takes a person 18 months to “move on” after a divorce. Some women find that recovering from their divorce takes years; while others find that they have been preparing for divorce for so long, that in just a few months or weeks they feel better than in years past. However, don't forget the work and the steps you still have to take to secure your new independence. Doing the work and practicing self-care will help you feel like your life is starting to take a new turn.

2. Things you can do now to help you recover from a divorce

2.1. Have constructive conversations about your feelings

There are two ways to talk about your feelings and divorce.
First, you might complain about everything that doesn't seem right in your life (which probably won't get you very far). Second, you can have constructive conversations with the people around you. A constructive conversation might include discussions about whether your feelings are justified. Or what are you doing to overcome them. Or why certain feelings still recur even after the divorce is over. For the best choice, you should see a psychologist if you feel you really can't get over this pain.

2.2. Quality friends

It would be great if all the friends around you could listen attentively and give you positive reinforcement.
The friends you need during a time like this are friends who can see both sides of things. These are the people you know how to help you. They are not afraid to tell you what you need to hear.
After all, these are quality friends. They know that whether you like it or not, that's the best advice for you at this point.
Learn to appreciate the friends in your life because without them you might end up making decisions based on what you feel is right rather than what is actually right.

2.3. Use social media to connect with old friends

Many people will tell you that social media is bad, that social media increases depression and other negative emotions.
While this may be true to some extent, there are ways in which social media can be actively leveraged.
One of the undeniably best benefits of social networking is the ability to connect with friends, both new and old.
No matter how long you've been married, there are friends you haven't contacted in years. Whether there are differences in your lifestyle, interests, personality, or whether life is too hectic, these old friends will always be on your friends list.
Take the opportunity to reconnect with both old people and make new friends. Remember to be alert so as not to be taken advantage of or scammed while you are in a difficult situation.

2.4. Don't use social media to follow your ex-spouse

Perhaps your spouse is on social media and they are flaunting their new life loudly and proudly for the world to see.
First, understand that this is often a “front,” or a cover-up for how they might really feel. No one uses social media to share themselves lying in bed and bored with a lost face. Everyone wants to make an effort to make their virtual life look perfect.
Tracking your ex-spouse and what they're doing via social media is not only a wrong choice of time - it's also very counterproductive. Don't let them steal your life any more.
Now, you should keep doing things that will help you grow and become a better person. Stop tracking their every move (if you are) and let those feelings slowly fade away from you.

2.5. Evaluate what happened in your marriage

Assessing the good and the bad from your marriage is a positive step in the right direction. This assessment includes thinking around what each of you could have done better.
It goes both ways, positive and negative. Identify the things that you did well in the past marriage. And also don't forget to identify the things that you and the other person cannot reconcile and "agree" with each other during your journey.
Finally, evaluate how these two sides - both good and bad - play a role in your divorce. You can use this assessment to learn and prepare for future relationships.

2.6. Give yourself time to grieve

If you don't take the time to feel your sadness and accept them, you may find yourself living with pent-up thoughts and feelings.
Do not rush to do anything.
Whether you are experiencing feelings of anger, sadness or regret - you need to let your heart purify itself. This will allow you to do what you should with an open heart and a clear mind.

2.7. Learn to appreciate the lessons

Whether you label your marriage as a failure or not, there will be decisions that you look back on and wish you had made differently.
While regret is a natural effect of those thoughts, it is also an important time to learn some lessons.
Where did you go wrong? How could you approach things differently? If you think, you did everything the right way, how can you present yourself better? Could you be a better listener?...
Take this “exercise” seriously and use that information to re-imagine how you want to be in your relationships. future relationship.

2.8. Movement and exercise

Get out, go for a walk or hike, go to the gym, or just sit in the sauna. Whatever you choose to do, do it now and wake up your body.
Self-improvement that comes with making exercise a regular habit will surprise you with its effectiveness.

2.9. Meditate

You may already incorporate meditation as part of your daily routine, Meditation is a long-term form of practice, which means the benefits start to appear as you practice consistently over months, years or for life.
Take at least 5 minutes a day to shake off all your worries and close your eyes. Focus on your breathing and bring your mind back to breathing if it starts to wander.

2.10. Pursue a hobby you already have

Post-divorce is the right time to get back to your unrealized hobbies. Try some of the things that used to excite you and used to motivate you. See if something you try ignites the joy you forgot you had.

2.11. Listen to music

Some songs can bring back old memories and remind you of the good times (as a precaution, stay away from sad songs). The right songs can turn a bad day into a good one.
That's the power of music. Think of it as a way to improve your mood whenever you need it.

2.12. Avoid unnecessary interactions with your ex-spouse

Recovery requires you to get rid of bad habits in your life and replace them with good ones.
You may find yourself eager to contact your ex a few months (or years) after your divorce. You may want to tell them about certain events happening in your life.
However, unless you are discussing issues involving children, maintaining such conversations can be detrimental to the post-divorce recovery process.
Focus your attention on people you know are truly deserving or should be talking to.

2.13. Write diary

Writing is a way to express thoughts. Instead of looking out the window, burying your head in thoughts, try writing those thoughts down on paper.
Whether you are summarizing your day in writing or just scribbling random thoughts as they come to you, the habit of writing down thoughts can greatly affect your ability to process and chart your emotion.
Writing these thoughts down on paper will help you deal with the emotions at hand. It helps you digest what you are feeling or pondering at the moment.
Also, think about what would make today a great day and write that down too. At the end of the day, think about how it went.
Jot down a few things that went really well or think of anything you could have done differently to make your day better.

2.14. Get rid of furniture that brings up old painful memories

If your spouse is no longer in the house and they don't take all their belongings, get rid of those old memories. Even subconsciously, being surrounded by items accumulated in a marriage can bring up painful memories.

2.15. Get outdoors and experience nature

There have been many studies showing the extreme health benefits associated with being immersed in nature. Research has also shown that nature itself can help eliminate or reduce high blood pressure. Nature can also improve cardiovascular diseases.
Most importantly, your overall mood and vitality will be enhanced by your exposure to natural beauty. Go out for a walk, breathe in the fresh air and feel how wonderful nature really is. We often take small things like this for granted. Never ignore the value of your surroundings.

2.16. Healthy eating

Be conscious of what you put in your body. Food and nutrition have a direct effect on how you feel.
The healthier you eat, the healthier you will look and therefore, the healthier you will feel. If you feel good, your confidence will kick in and your day will be more enjoyable.
Protein, fat and carbs should be at the center of your eating habits.
Do your best to avoid processed foods and find healthy alternatives to your favorite foods.

2.17. Take it easy in a new relationship

Your feelings are still intact and you have just gone through a difficult, painful time in your life.
Do everything slowly and slowly, don't rush and rush into a new relationship right away.

2.18. Don't over-shop

If you are buying things in the hope that material things will improve the quality of your spiritual life - chances are you are wrong.
To be able to move on, it is NEVER advisable to spend money recklessly, especially when you have to spend on other important bills in your life like credit cards, taxes. , utility bills,...
You should be responsible for how much you're spending and what you're spending.

2.19. Forgive yourself

You cannot live your life in regret. You cannot live a fulfilling life by constantly feeding your mind with negative self-talk.
Whether or not you consider yourself to be at fault in the divorce, you need to forgive yourself for everything that happened.
Forgive yourself for what you've done, or forgive yourself to accept the way you've lived for so long as you did. Forgive yourself for the way you or your spouse may have made your child feel.
Forgiving yourself is the only way to really move on.

2.20. Move house if possible

Most couples spend most of their divorce time fighting for a home. In essence, both spouses can be romantically involved with this property.
On the other hand, this house can evoke a lot of memories of your marriage both good and bad. These memories will stick around if you stay at home. So, moving house could be a good option for you.

2.21. Create new habits for yourself

Have you ever heard the saying “you are the sum total of your habits”?
What you do day in and day out on a regular basis determines who you become. If you are trying to change your life then you have to do something different. Create new positive habits to become a new person.

2.22. Encourage your child to ask you questions

If your child asks you questions such as “why” about your divorce, answer them. They deserve to know what's going on.
That doesn't mean you're pulling your child to your side, or that you're using them as an outlet to vent about your partner. This simply means that you respect your child.

2.23. Please be patient

You need to understand that any recovery takes time.
Emotional recovery is not something you can force. It begins to take shape over time as you self-assess, accept, and learn from your marriage failures.
Patience is the ability to trust the process and take small steps in a positive direction that accumulates over time, similar to the concept of developing good habits.

2.24. Read for mental training

Your brain is a muscle like all the other muscles in your body, although it is much stronger. The brain also needs exercise and stimulation to function at its optimal level.
Read about different areas of your life that you want to improve, such as work responsibilities. Or, read about topics you've always been interested in but never had time to pursue.
Do it as often, daily if you can. Make it a habit and your brain functions will flourish as a result.

2.25. Find a job

Many women are dependent on their husbands leading to loss of economic self-control. So, after a divorce is your opportunity to get a job to be able to support yourself and your children.
Work is never meant to be easy but it is how you develop along the way that will help you reap the greatest rewards.
Finally - being busy means less time for reflection, less time for self-pity, less time for resentment, frustration. It is good for yourself to be able to return to your new normal life.

2.26. Prioritize self-care

Prioritizing self-care like changing your hairstyle, taking care of your skin and maintaining proper hygiene are simple ways to boost your confidence and boost your self-esteem.
Healthy habits lead to a positive self-image and a happier lifestyle.

2.27. Go to bed early and get up early

Waking up early gives you an invaluable opportunity to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally before getting caught up in the chaos of life.
This gives you time to sip a cup of coffee in bed, read a light book, make a to-do list, or whatever makes you feel most refreshed when you start your day.

2.28. Arrange everything your way

Daily life can be quite stressful, so worry less about yourself and take the time to rearrange your belongings.
Create an organized living space. Start by getting rid of anything you don't love or have no use for.
This way, you'll reduce stress, create a more inviting living space, and feel in control of your life.

2.29. Sleep

Be specific about what time you go to bed at night and wake up in the morning. The right amount of sleep is just as important as the amount of sleep.
Avoid screens of phones, tablets, computers,... at least 60 minutes before going to bed.
Melatonin is a great natural sleep aid and will help set the tone for quality sleep.
Adequate, quality and consistent sleep will help your mind, body and spirit function at optimal levels throughout the day.

2.30. Create a fresh scent for your space

The cells that help you smell are linked to your limbic system (the neck part of the brain) - which governs memory, emotions and general behavior.
Here are some popular scents and the benefits they can give you:
The smell of lavender can help you rest. The smell of pine can reduce stress and anxiety. The smell of citrus can wake you up or provide a mid-day energy boost. The smell of jasmine can help you to relieve your sadness. Divorce is not the end for all. It is liberating for you sometimes, what matters is how you take it. Life is not too harsh, it is ready to welcome you with open arms when you really try.
Don't blame yourself and gnaw on the past and hate each other. Think more openly, take better care of yourself because you have a whole life ahead of you and may have children who are counting on you.
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Reference articles: sasforwomen.com, webmd.com, survivedivorce.com