Learn to listen to your child

This is an automatically translated article.

The article is written by Yoga Meditation Specialist Chu Thi Nha - Unit of Regenerative Medicine Clinic and Educational Psychology

The problem will become lighter and easier to solve if our parents or adults spend real time with ourselves and our children. Always share so that the connection between family members is stronger and stronger. That will help each member trust more, want to return home and feel more peaceful and happy every day.

I have received many questions and thoughts from children and teenagers about things that children do not know to confide in, share with anyone, even family members such as fathers and mothers do not know. time for the children. Or you have lost connection with your close family members for a long time, so you are afraid or do not want to share the difficulties, or concerns that you encounter in life.
Since then, the children don't know how to solve the problems or psychological difficulties they encounter, some of them actively seek other support sources such as the internet, experts,... but there are also Many of you do not know how to find healthy ways of coping, but instead will silently suffer or solve the problem in a negative way, the problem is getting worse day by day if it is not removed.
Here are ways to help us practice listening with meditation or mindfulness. Those are very simple lessons but have lasting effects if practiced every day, every moment we remember.
And I have also been practicing as well as realizing the real effectiveness of this method when practicing with the children / adolescents and adults that I am treating.

“Learning to listen to your child is a real exercise of the heart”
While your son doesn't want to clean up the battlefield in his room, the girl insists on going to his girlfriend's house, everyone is loud and slamming the door: “Dad (Mother) always, never understands me!” Let's sit back and talk privately when everything has calmed down...
To listen to your child speak, you first need to know how to keep quiet, not only to hear what your child is about to say, but also to hear your feelings. own feelings and intuition to get rid of prejudices and deductions. Take a few seconds just to breathe deeply. Focusing on your breathing helps you dispel distracting thoughts and open your heart to what your child really has to say: Listen to your child, don't interrupt, suppress the urge to act, open-minded really understand what you are saying, with a clear mind and with a relaxed body.
If you find yourself unable to take the time and focus on the things your child wants to share because you're in a hurry, tired or feeling insecure, ask your child to talk at another time.
Mindfulness shows us how to stay “silent” to truly understand. With benevolence. This is an exercise that takes time to practice.” Excerpted from the book: “Peace of mind, the whole family learns together” by Marine Locatelli – Catherine Lannoy, Youth Publishing House, 2008.
Next, I will share with you How Meditation Listens to orthodox and orthodox by one An extremely interesting book that everyone should read, "Search Inside Yourself" - This book and the course on which it is based represent one of the best aspects of Google culture - an individual with a great idea that can truly change the world.”
How to meditate orthodox listening: In this exercise, we will practice listening in a different way than we usually listen.
We will work in pairs, with a family member or friend, each taking turns as speaker and listener.
Instructions for speakers: This will be a monologue. You must speak without interruption for three minutes. If you run out of things to talk about, that's okay; you can just sit in silence and whenever you have something to say you can keep saying it again. All three minutes belong to you, you can use that time however you want, knowing that whenever you are ready to speak, there is someone ready to listen to you.
Instructions for listeners: your job is to listen. When you listen, you give your full attention to the speaker. You are not asked questions during these three minutes. You can acknowledge it by your facial expression, by nodding your head, or by saying, “I get it.” You must not say except to admit. Try not to overreact, or you could slip into leading the speaker. And if the speaker has nothing else to say, give him or her a moment of silence, and then be ready to listen when he or she speaks again.

We have one speaker and one listener for three minutes. Then swap for the next three minutes. Then spend three minutes talking to yourself, in which you both talk about how you felt about this experience. Suggested topics for conversation:
How you are feeling right now any? Is there anything that happened today that you would like to talk about? Anything else you want to say. Unorthodox sounding meditation:
When a friend or loved one speaks to you, adopt a generous attitude by giving the person the gift of your full attention and right to speak. Remind yourself that because this person is so important to you, that person deserves your full attention and all the space and time it takes to express themselves.

As you listen, give your full attention to the speaker. If you find your attention wandering, just very gently bring it back to the speaker, as if he or she were a sacred meditation object. Try to refrain as much as possible from speaking, asking questions or leading the speaker. Remember, you are giving that person the precious gift of the right to speak. You can acknowledge with a facial expression, or nod, or say, “I get it,” but don't try too hard to admit so as not to lead the speaker. If the speaker has run out of things to say, give him or her a moment of silence, and then be ready to listen to what he has to say.
Zen master Norman Fischer says: “Listening is magic: it transforms a person from an external, opaque or potentially dangerous object, into an intimate experience, and thus into a friend. . In this way, listening softens and transforms the listener.”
Our attention is the most precious gift we can give to others. When we give someone our full attention, in that moment the only thing in the world we care about is that person, nothing else matters because nothing else is powerful in our consciousness. ta. What could be more precious than that?
As usual, Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh puts this beautifully: “The most precious gift we can give others is our presence. When our attention surrounds those we love, they bloom like flowers.”
If you care about someone in this life, make sure to give that person a few minutes of full attention each day. And they will bloom like flowers.

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