Are you a good mother?

This is an automatically translated article.

The article was professionally consulted by Specialist Doctor II Lai Thi Nguyet Hang - Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology - Vinmec Ha Long International Hospital.
Every woman wants to have children and has good child care skills. But in fact, many people often worry about whether they are a good mother and whether their care is really good for their children? These are legitimate concerns, but you should not turn these worries into pressure, but trust your own mothering instincts and give your baby the best.

1. Mother Instinct

Right from birth, in the soul of every woman, there exists an extremely strong instinct, repressing everything they have in life. It's motherhood instinct.
Right from birth, in the soul of every woman, there exists an extremely strong instinct, repressing everything they have in life. It's motherhood instinct.
Dr. Catherine Monk is a psychologist and professor of medical psychology in the department of psychiatry and obstetrics and gynecology at Columbia, who came up with the definition of "instinct". Based on that definition, he argues that the idea of ​​maternal instinct implies that there is an innate knowledge and set of caring behaviors that are an automatic part of motherhood. In reality, however, the idea of ​​motherhood can be exaggerated many times over.
History has led us to believe that the maternal instinct is what drives us to want children and then a mother will know exactly what to do to take care of her young children and nurture and raise them. However, Monk suggests that a mother, or anyone raising an infant or child, needs to learn to perform, either through instruction, or show good role models and observe those activities. active/inactive with each child.
Finding out about this work will happen from the moment the baby is born. This is a time when many people think that maternal instincts should play a role and as a result lead to a mother's feelings of love for her child.
But instead, according to a 2018 study, these feelings of love develop a few days after giving birth, even with some other women struggling to feel the feeling. It may take several months after that.
When these feelings don't happen right away or take a long time to develop, many mothers experience a sense of failure. They may feel this is a sign they have no maternal instincts. In fact, they just need support and help develop more open-minded and realistic expectations for their maternal instincts to kick in.

2. Is the maternal instinct a myth?

According to Professor Monk, the idea of ​​maternal instinct is largely a myth. A person may soon recognize, and maintain throughout the development of a child's sharp, keen awareness, but these abilities are still different from maternal instincts. For example, parents can quickly articulate the specific meaning behind a newborn's cry. Or you may also notice a behavior change that signals your toddler's cold. This has been a cumulative process that has lasted from previous years.
This maternal instinct is said to be a mother's sixth sense for a child. This instinct can come from closeness and deep love, and a mother can spend hours thinking about her baby. It involves seeing signs of the bond you've built with your baby, not an instinctive understanding of motherhood.
Another psychotherapist, Dr. Dana Dorfman, also agrees that many aspects of the maternal instinct are a myth. A mother's intuition or innate sense of her baby's needs can be attributed to her experience, nature, and way in which she attaches herself to her baby. In addition, he argues that many aspects of caring for a child by observation or accumulated experience, first-time mother tasks such as changing diapers and feeding are not necessarily innate abilities. biological.
When a mother connects and bonds with her child, she can learn motherhood skills through practice and experience. While some of these processes may be unconscious, they are not necessarily instinctive. When you become a mother biologically or otherwise your brain chemistry changes. Well, this doesn't just happen to people who experience actual childbirth. In fact, studies show that adoptive mothers also experience elevated levels of oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine during the transition to parenthood. This variation is derived from the bonding activities between the caregiver and the baby.

3. Are you a good mother?

Many people believe in the myth of the perfect parent who is the ideal person to raise happy and well-adjusted children. In fact, there is no perfect parent or perfect child.
Problematic behavior is common among school-age children and takes up a significant portion of parents' time. At any one time, school-age children have on average about five or six traits or behaviors that their parents struggle with. These may include: failure to comply with simple requests, avoiding errands, spending too much time watching TV, constantly arguing and fighting with siblings or having difficulty in completion of homework. Other common problems for parents are dealing with a difficult child, or dealing with a child who wants too much independence or isn't gaining self-control. Parents are also sometimes faced with the dilemma of a child enjoying friends or activities that are not approved by the mother or father.
As a parent, you need to realize that it's normal to feel anxious, confused, angry, and inadequate because your child's behavior is normal. It's part of being a parent. It is futile and self-defeating to try to be perfect or raise perfect children. Points to keep in mind in flexible parenting:
Even among children of the same age there are many normals in the way they develop socially, emotionally, intellectually and physically . A child's level of maturity can vary for the different qualities he or she is developing, including social skills, athletic ability, and academic ability. They can be strong in math skills but weak in writing skills, or good at basketball but not good at golf.
The variations described above can be permanent, forming the child's own profile; or they may be still evolving and therefore subject to change in the future. The way a child develops can affect his or her own behavior and vice versa. Therefore, the parents' lifestyle will have an important role in influencing the child's living environment, which will affect the child's behavior and development.

The fact that you're worried about being a good mother in the first place shows that you care about your baby. And that's a great start. Instead of worrying about whether you meet the requirements of being a parent, experts have recommended that you focus your energy on getting to know your child and always accompany your child in all conditions. .
If in the process of raising children you encounter difficulties, you can ask psychologists and doctors to have the knowledge to raise children and take good care of them.
Vinmec International General Hospital is the address for examination, treatment and prevention of diseases, including the pediatric - neonatal specialty. When performing the examination process at Vinmec, customers will be welcomed and used modern facilities and machinery along with perfect medical services under the guidance and advice of the doctors. Good doctors, well-trained both at home and abroad.
Specialist II Lai Thi Nguyet Hang has more than 30 years of experience in the field of obstetrics and gynecology. The doctor used to teach at Hai Phong Medical College, Hai Phong Medical University and worked at Hai Phong Obstetrics and Gynecology Hospital before becoming an Obstetrician and Gynecologist, Vinmec Ha Long International General Hospital.

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References: healthline.com, babycenter.com, healthychildren.org
SEE ALSO:
Guess what your baby means by your baby's cry Diary of a mother at age 50 Caring for a newborn until full month