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When kids throw tantrums, we often assume they're trying to get attention. However, what the kids are really looking for is a relationship with you. Some experts suggest that misbehavior in young children often stems from a desire to have a relationship.Instead of letting children find ways to regulate their own emotions, it is important for parents and caregivers to help children develop the skills and language to deal with their emotions. Here are some methods you can use to reframe attention-grabbing behavior as an opportunity to connect with your child.
1. Pay attention to observe children
It's hard to keep a calm, gentle attitude when a child is upset. However, you need to try to keep a close eye on your child when he has tantrums. This will help the child feel better. Try to see things from the child's perspective. What caused the child to become upset? How is your child letting these emotions affect her?
2. Look for why
How does a child show an adult fear of abandonment or a desire to have more than he or she wants, if not by seeking our attention?
Now that you understand the situation, think about why your child is acting this way. What are children looking for? Whether or not you agree with your child's actions, try to find objectively where the behavior is coming from. Look for connections your child may be looking for or guidance he or she may need.
Trẻ luôn sợ hãi khi bị bỏ rơi hoặc khao khát có nhiều thứ hơn chúng muốn
3. Help your child orient his emotions
Now that you have a solid foundation of attention-grabbing behavior, try to find methods that can help your child navigate his or her own emotions. Even when your child is the most angry or upset, this can be an opportunity to help them learn how to deal with disappointment.
You can help your child stay calm by teaching him to breathe deeply. Then, model how you use language to express your feelings and say something like, “It sounded like you were upset when I took that toy away. It's frustrating when a toy is taken away” to let your child know that you understand what he or she is thinking right now.
You can also take this opportunity to explain to your child why, for example, you could say, “I got the toy because it's time for you to go to bed. If you don't listen, I'll take it away. Next time, you can listen to me and put away the toys yourself, okay?" The key here is not to over-explain them, but to provide them with the words they need to be able to communicate their feelings.
In fact, children cannot learn to self-regulate their emotions unless they receive enough attention through their relationships with adults. However, adults sometimes assume that children will adjust themselves without support, without needing to pay attention to the child.
According to experts, the level of concern for each child is mainly based on our emotional needs, external pressures, childhood memories and how we learned to survive as children. But, as adults, we have enough willpower and opportunity to confront our painful memories, trying to act in ways that are different from what we experienced growing up.
Dạy con là cả một quá trình giúp con định hướng cảm xúc
Every time we interact with children, we must choose a form of relationship that helps children learn their worth and loveliness, instead of forcing them to accept that their needs are not being met through attention-grabbing behaviors.
Children need us to see them as whole people, not just the sum total of their behaviors. Children need us to listen, understand their feelings and take seriously who they are.
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Article referenced source: Babycenter.com
